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关于中学生类论文范文文献,与留学文书写作方法之摆事实相关论文参考文献格式
本论文是一篇关于中学生类论文参考文献格式,关于留学文书写作方法之摆事实相关大学毕业论文范文。免费优秀的关于中学生及事例及修改稿方面论文范文资料,适合中学生论文写作的大学硕士及本科毕业论文开题报告范文和学术职称论文参考文献下载。
#8220;Myfatherworksinthebank.Canyoucount?Canyoukeeprecords?”Heasked,“Dotheyrequireanydegree?”Isaid,“No,theonlyrequirementisworkinghard.It’sbetterthansittingidle.”Theytookmyadviceandworkedontheservicestaffinthebank.Afterafewmonths,Hanyangsaid,“Ihavealongwaytogobeforebeingaformalemployee.”HepluckeduphiscouragetogobacktohighschoolandthenenteredBeijingInformationScienceandTechnologyUniversity.
Trustme!Thisisn’tafairytale.WhatIsaidistrue.AfterIenteredseniorhighschool,everyonepursuedtheirowngoals.Gaoyunwenttothemilitaryacademy；ZhaochiwenttoXXXUniversitytostudyoilpainting；Futaoisnowaprojectmanagerinthebankandearns8000RMBpermonth.ChuanminmajoredinmedicineandworksintheradiologydepartmentatXXXUnionMedicalCollegeHospital,andZhaohanwenttotheforestrybureau.Lileididn’tfindajobfittinghismajor,butwenttotheTrafficPoliceBrigade.
Dadtoldmehow,owingtomyinsistence,hehadthechancetoaffectthesepeople’slives.Theyhadbeeinspiringstories,insteadoftheopposite.Iamhappyandproudtowalkonmyownpath,eventhoughImaybemisunderstoodandsuspectedbytheothers.Iwillinsistontreatingeveryonewithafairattitude,andlendingthemahandwhentheyneed.
点评：这篇文章的问题比较大.首先,第一段谈到父亲做好人好事时,并没有举出具体事例,划线部分的表达都显得比较浮夸,第二段划线部分也是缺乏细节描写,没有交代清楚前后关系.其次,在举自己和父亲帮助同学的具体事例时,最后帮助的结果不能令人信服.倒数第三段划线部分所列出的都是“坏学生”们后来的出色表现,但这很难证明都是作者和父亲帮助的结果.再次,作者写帮助他人就业这样的例子也难让人信服.针对以上问题,我们做如下修改.
修改稿：Iconsidermyselfabasketballbuff.IwatchquitealotofAmericanNBAbasketballandCBA,theChineseversionofNBA,onTV.NotonlydoIwatchthegames,Ispendmuchofmyleisuretimeplayingonthecourttoo.Thencamethefinalyearofmymiddleschool.Allofmyregularteammatesstoppedshowinguponthecourtbecausetheyweresimplytoobusypreparingforhighschoolqualifyingexamtoplay.Iwas,ofcourse,undermuchpressuremyself,likeeveryoneelse.Agoodexamresultmeantagoodhighschool；amediocrescoremeantamediocreschooltomatch.Muchwasatstake.However,IlovedbasketballsomuchIstillfoundtimetoplay,thistimewithabunchofguyswhowerenotasinterestedinacademicsandwhoweresaidtohaveskippedclassesbefore.
| 有关论文范文主题研究: | 关于中学生的论文范本 | 大学生适用: | 在职论文、学校学生论文 |
|---|---|---|---|
| 相关参考文献下载数量: | 44 | 写作解决问题: | 如何写 |
| 毕业论文开题报告: | 文献综述、论文目录 | 职称论文适用: | 论文发表、初级职称 |
| 所属大学生专业类别: | 如何写 | 论文题目推荐度: | 优秀选题 |
本文出处 http://www.sxsky.net/jiaoxue/020509825.html
Someofmyteachersstartedworryingaboutme.TheysummonedmyfathertoschooltolethimknowthatIwashangingoutwithproblemkids.Whenmyfatherreturnedhomethatday,hewantedtotalktome.Knowingthepurposeofhisvisittotheschool,Ihalfexpectedhimtolashoutatmeforbefriendingthosebadguys.Tomysurprise,hewasnotangryatmeatall.Hewantedtohearmysideofthestory.So,ItoldhimaboutwhatIknewofHanyangandFutao,andacoupleofothers.Hanyang’sparentsweredivorced,thatIknew；Futao’sfatherhadlosthisjob；oneguywasconsideringquittingschooltoearnmoneytosupporthisailingparents.Theyallseemedtometobenormalkids,exceptthattheywerepoor；someweredesperatelypoor.Myfatherthoughtforamoment,thenproceededtosaythathewasokaywithmeplayingbasketballwiththemandthatheandIshouldthinkofwaystohelpthesekids.
Inthedaysandweeksthatfollowed,mydadandIdideupwithaplan.Wesuggestedsomedifferentpart-timejobstoHanyangandFutao,whichtheyacceptedandwepaidthemedicalbillsfortheother.Icountmyblessingsoften：myfatherisasuccessful,albeitverybusyman；heallowsmetomakejudgmentcallsandtruststhatIwillmakethemtothebestofmyability；heisagenerouspersonwhocaresdeeplyaboutthosewhoarelessfortunate.
MybasketballfriendsandIhavemovedontodifferentplaces,butwestillkeepintouch.IknowFutaoisnowafulltimeprojectmanagerofalocalbank：thesamebankmydadandIgothimapart-timepositionin；HanyangiscurrentlyafreshmanatXXXInformationScienceandTechnologyUniversity.Sadly,itisnownexttoimpossibletogettogethertoplaybasketballagain,butwheneverwegetonthephonewetalkaboutitallthetime.
点评：原稿中作者为了表扬自己不惜夸大其词,修改稿中我们把难以令人信服的赞美之词去掉,剩下一个真实可信的故事.由于作者的父亲比较有实力也有能力去帮助贫困学生,所以修改稿中我们把“功劳”归功于父亲,即便这样,我们也没有夸大作者父亲的作为.这从一个侧面反映了作者本人的低调和谦虚.
关于中学生类论文范文文献,与留学文书写作方法之摆事实相关论文参考文献格式参考文献资料：